A Semi-Charmed Life: Mike's Journey

Learning things from scratch ...

Sunday, March 15, 2015

The Struggle

A story from a friend:

Anyway, a girl that I know and was very close and intimate with, and with whom I share a pretty powerful bond, told me 9 months ago after a long period of peer pressure that she just didn't feel the same… (Which I never believed for one moment, not after what we shared) That was 9 months ago. I was bluntly told that for right or wrong this was her choice and that all she had to offer was friendship (these exact words are still seared into me).

Hurt and blown to pieces – I told her I wouldn't be the type to linger around waiting that one day she would have a change of heart, that it was better to go our own paths until such time we could be just friends. That was the last time we saw each other or had contact.

Since then however not a single day has gone by that I did not ache in my heart somewhat fierce for missing her. I've tried to forget her, I've tried to fight it, I've tried to hate her, I've tried to simply ignore it. In the end I just accepted it and started to live with it being constantly there. It never goes away. If I distract myself, the missing comes creeping back as soon as there is a quiet moment. Anyway that went on for 9 months. I met another girl recently, whom I tried to run warm for – and in all fairness she is a really nice girl. But as soon as this happened I fell into conflict, because all of a sudden I realized how much I still felt for girl A. So I kept girl B at a distance, trying to sort my conflict out! The other thing that plagued me is that I just couldn't bring myself to be emotionally interested in girl B for some reason.

It came to the point that I told the Universe – “guys… I can’t do this any more. I need to move forward, one way or the other. If girl A and me have a future together than I need a clear and undeniable sign. I can’t keep going like this, it’s wearing me down”

Two days go past and girl A after 9 months no contact, out of the blue TXTs me… She saw me in a shop and wondered how I was. Since then we’ve met (on my suggestion), had a great afternoon as friends, reconnected on a spiritual level and have had some contact by txt since over a space of a few months. I suggested last week to catch up again and do something together – stupidly or not, suggesting to go for a beach walk or catch a movie together. That pretty much was the end of that it seems. She’s not replied nor gotten in touch since.

Point of the story I guess – I truly love her for who she is and what she means to me (on a very deep level) more than anything, I love our spiritual connection and for me this is enough to have her in my life as a friend if that is what’s in the stars for us. But letting her go and having to give her up, boy it’s pretty hard and confusing at times. It’s also the strongest impulse for growth in awareness, it does steel you. You learn as you fall and pick yourself up. You learn to live with the pain of loss.

My struggle every time

If you love someone and you are just friends, you can do it, but it feels like more than friends, and it sucks that the relationship cannot develop in something more than friends. It is only that you just want to hold the person in your life that you keep sustaining the friendship, and sometimes you keep hoping that it will turn out to something more than friendship.

Also you cannot move on with your life finding someone you can love, because you stay in love with the friend. it feels sad when the friend has someone else he or she loves but at the same time you want the friend to be truly happy, and i don’t like the feelings of hanging to someone that is not available if you love the person, unless it is an agreement, that both parties understand they cannot have a relationship but they still love each other anyway.

If it is the other way around, when you are the one loved, it feels awkward if you know the other persons feelings, and you constantly have to set boundaries, if you don’t want it to go further than just friends. If the person keeps on pushing to more than just friends, it feels forced. The adoration feels OK and I liked to reflect it back by being extra nice to the person but it is a one way street so it doesn't feel fulfilling in the end, because you are not in love with that same person.

Some thoughts:

In order to love, we should feel responsibility, care,  respect and have insight in that person.
Love shouldn't be about possession so if you really love someone you will let them live and grow and not be quick to pick them from your garden but to respect their wishes

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